I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
