Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hippo gnu deer
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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