I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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