Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
