sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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