its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
