If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
