totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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