Don't you send me to vm
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
