You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
