Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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