sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
