No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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