so that wasnt chicken after all
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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