Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
