i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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