chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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