Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
