Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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