No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
