Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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