last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
