You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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