I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
do herpes really smell.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌