I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
