I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.