Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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