Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
"it" just moved
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
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Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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