I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
