I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."