Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
