I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
