theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
