If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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