You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
