nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
