im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
