When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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