I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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