Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
