Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
