The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
