oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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