i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
