so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she smelled like a LAN party
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
