I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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