i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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