Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
