How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
