Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The air was thick with penises
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
