You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
