he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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