So drunk its hurt
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
