apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
