My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
