Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
