so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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