So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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