I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
