woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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