Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
