good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
