I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
