Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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