so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
