remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
