Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
