I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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