I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
