Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
