he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it because I queefed?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
