Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
