i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
