Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
pray to the hookup gods
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
